Why the Silence?

Riley Bday, spring 2016 003
Oh the pipe we have buried! We will irrigate!

My goal is weekly posts, but you may have noticed that the “week” since my last post has been very L O N G…

I’ve been debating about sharing my personal life in a blog because so much of what I share is agricultural. Do you really want to hear what happens “off the record”?

Since I believe in authenticity, maybe I’ve been cheating myself and my friends (online ones count too!) by not sharing reality. I’ve shared some struggles, but I’ve candy coated a lot and tried to end on an encouraging note because it is imperative I find the silver lining.

We love our new place. Love it. The sunrises and sunsets are gorgeous. We hardly miss one. I love the people and the land. I love what we are pursuing. I love what we are fighting for and what restoration we hope to see.

I do not love the battles.

Battles come in all forms, but lately nothing works. The tractor broke again. Our irrigation system still isn’t running after weeks and weeks of blood and tears. (Yes, we know it’s June!!) We are fighting in every regard. Including health.

I’ve struggled with endometriosis for decades. Not many people know. I don’t talk about it. It’s gotten horrible lately friends. So much so that every day life tires me out. I’m embarrassed to even admit that because I am an active person. I can put on a good front for awhile. Yet, just getting through our issues with the ranch, kids, and part-time work has left me tired. My hubby is a rock star.

It’s time I share because I am realizing I’m not the only one. My silence isn’t helping anyone and it isn’t strengthening relationships to tell everyone “I’m fine or I’m good, but busy.” I won’t promise you I’ll omit those lines from my vocabulary, but I’m reaching towards authenticity in a new way.

Thus, the long stretch of silence on my blog. Also, there may be more silence to come because I’m headed to the Mayo Clinic shortly for appointments and I’m scheduled for surgery. It seems my endometriosis may have stuck together organs that shouldn’t be touching… It’s not been a comfortable year to say the least.

I’m the type that likes to avoid pain. You know, pretend it isn’t there–maybe it will go away. I still believe in miracles and I’m still praying for healing, but it looks as though it will come through the hands of a physician. I’m praying that this pain is productive and leads to a greater outcome than we can imagine right now.

In the meantime, I’ll try to check in as I can. May your summer be off to a good start!